Focusing on the positives rather than the negatives

Sorry to hear that Rob.
You have a lovely car!

It took me ages to stop focusing on the little things, I remember a scratch on my NC’s bonnet that drove me up the wall, but it was so minute I’d have to point it out for anyone to notice. I’ve taught myself to look at the bigger picture now, the car it’sself and what it enables me to do :slight_smile:

Whenever I feel a bit low at the moment, I go and sit in my car. It doesn’t even have to be moving to make me happy! :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

(edited as I thought my original reply was a bit too soppy!)

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Thanks for that… Took a chance opening up a bit on here, but am glad I did… My line is “Life only gets complicated when you stop to think”!! So sorry you lost your father at such a young age - the problem is suicidal people are good at putting on a disguise - like make-up to keep others out… It must be quite common, people taking care of others whilst neglecting themselves… We need to get past this “Stiff-Upper-Lip” mentality and recognise our frailties… Is interesting to read the thoughts and life’s experiences of others here… Is really helpful…

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Thanks joshc… It’s so easy to take a small issue, spend too long thinking about it, and suddenly with all that focus placed on it… it becomes the only issue…
If I can’t go out for a drive, I can enjoy just looking at my car! The pleasure of owning one isn’t just found in the driving, though obviously driving an MX-5 is pretty good fun! :grin:
Rob

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Very true. My dad was a violent manic-depressive who committed suicide 4 days before my 13th birthday. Even given his condition and the fact that he’s tried it twice before in his youth, it was still a complete shock. I’ve been in the same position myself before, and no one had the slightest inkling. Like Fiver, I’ve done a lot of work since, both on myself and learning as much as I can about mental health, trained as a mental health first-aider and now it’s a huge part of the job I do. You tend to find, if you dissect something, you take the fear out of it :blush:

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Blimey.

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Oh my goodness, am so sorry to read of your experiences at such a young age…! I remember my mum being it what was like a Victorian institution and getting Electro-Convulsive-Therapy for her condition…, and this was only back in the early 80’s… although that, unbelievably is nearly 40 years ago…! I’ve had suicidal thoughts, even thought of various methods, but the truth is I don’t think I’ve come close to actually doing it… They say suicide is cowardly… I’m not so sure, but tomorrow can always be a better day :smile:

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I think the key is to treat individual case for what it is. The thing about mental health is that it’s never ‘one size fits all’. If you ever need an ear to bend, you’re always welcome to drop me a PM :blush:
Off to watch the rugby- catch ye’s later!

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Thank you so much… I’ve got the rugby on too… Enjoy! :slight_smile:

Hi Rob. I’ve suffered from depression for years, the worst was when I was Mum’s carer over many, many years and when she became bed-ridden which resulted in her getting, pressure sores, UTI (urinary tract infections) which also infected her brain and that combined with her ongoing slide into dementia could, and did, make life a screaming mucky hell for days at a time. I’ll leave the detail to your imagination. Poor old Mum, I wouldn’t wish what she went through on my worst enemy! There were times when I just sat on the floor, exhausted both physically and mentally, crying in desperation, frustration, despair and hopeless helplessness. I was, and still am on medication. Two things helped me through those final six years. The knowledge that I was doing something that was the right thing to do out of love. The second is more tangible and on the face of it less important, but in fact probably saved my sanity (and life?) and that was a little abandoned kitten I found and adopted a few months before Mum became bedridden, My constant companion. When I was sitting there crying she would climb into my lap snuggle up close and purr LOUDLY, and she still does. Yes, like you if I’m feeling really down the little things become problems of world magnitude, it is then I have to FORCE myself into doing something, anything, to occupy me both physically and mentally. So don’t keep things to yourself, if you need help, SCREAM, and don’t bottle it up. I find that if the “Black Beast” arrives while I’m indoors it helps enormously to get out into the open, fresh air and natural light. I will add that I will never drive while I’m in that state of mind because there is a risk of a “kamikaze” attitude taking over. Sorry for rambling on. Take care, we’re here to help in any way we can.

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The posts just prove what we knew all along - Mental illness affecting us personally or those we love most… I believe it comes down from older generations too… My granddad on mums side suffered it and was just sectioned for his own safety… Thankfully my mum found peace in a lovely Milton Keynes care home, where she saw out her days… Going back further, to 1998, I was at work when mum phoned me up in a panic - She hadn’t seen my dad that day which was unheard of…, and I hadn’t seen him before leaving for work either. She couldn’t get upstairs to check out his room because she had a botched hip replacement… I rushed home from work, pretty much knowing what to expect… Went into his bedroom and found him dead… I remember his radio was still on and an international game of cricket still being transmitted… So everyone out there, take good care and I like others always happy to help…

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Car first. The most annoying thing with a new car is that first scratch or stone chip. Something minor but your pride and joy is no longer 100% perfect. On the other hand I hate seeing ‘show cars’. You know the ones, always there at rallies, always perfect, 5 miles more on the clock than last year. I’d rather see the 99% perfect one that arrived under it’s own power rather than on a trailer. These wonderful cars are made for enjoying so just do it.

Depression. A nasty thing that at some point affects most of us to some degree. The last year has been hard for everyone even those who were feeling on top of the world beforehand. I can only imagine how it must feel for those struggling before.

When I read your first post I guessed at a couple of people who would reply and I was right on both counts. Some lovely caring people on here. I’ve been in frequent contact with a number of them over the past year and the social interaction has been very cathartic. You are among friends. We share our joy and we share our woes. It helps.

Tomorrow will be a good day.

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I’m not into what they call “Garage Queens” I don’t do extreme detailing either, but really like a clean car that presents well… Looking inwards at myself briefly - The cleaning sometimes comes at the expense of not wanting to drive it and get it dirty again which is ridiculous I know…!
And there is that link, not so much with depression, but some kind of OCD… But my recognising the problem is the first step towards getting back to being rational.
There are some lovely caring people on here, and I’m not alone, we all have our own “issues” of which we find difficult to understand sometimes…
Today is a better day… :slight_smile: Stay safe and have a nice weekend… Thanks to all…
Rob

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I’ve had mental health issues and one of the side effects is shiney new toy syndrome, I have to guard against this as the downer is low after the very brief upper a new purchase can bring. But the car is great as it has endless fiddling and tweaking possibilities and makes me feel good every time I see it.

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I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer way back in Feb 2018 & given a sixth month prognosis. Had 32 sessions of chemotherapy, they were stopped last march because of the pandemic. 3 years on and I am still here with the same diagnosis. In fact all my benefits have just renewed for another 3 years. Overall a very difficult place to be not knowing how long you have left. Can’t plan anything more than just a couple of weeks in advance just in case. Still do a bit of work to keep my mind ticking over, I suppose am quite lucky in that respect as many in my situation aren’t even able to do that.

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So sorry to hear what you’ve been through, and that puts it, to me in perspective… Really hoping that now we have some brighter and warmer weather… you can get out in the MX-5 and take in some of natures fine fresh air! All the best to you and take care…
Rob

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Hi… Hope everyone is doing ok this Easter Weekend… I’ve come back here again to look at the replies… had a nice drive out today, top down, sunshine… other than navigating potholes… what could be better?!! :slight_smile: Got back and did the compulsory de-bugging the flies off the screen and front of the '5… All very simple, now am troubling myself over a few micro-pits on headlights… only notice it when their on FFS - Is like revisiting the windscreen slight chipping/pitting thread I started…! Mountain out of a mole hill moment… again :roll_eyes:
Heaven knows how I’d cope with a real problem or two… this is ridiculous…! :thinking: :confused:
Rob

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Rob. I believe you’re already on medication but I seriously believe you should contact your GP for professional help. This is from someone who has been near suicidal in the past. Don’t leave it!
Roger

Hi Roger… Yes, I am taking medication, but am due to see my GP shortly to do a prescription review, so will be on the case soon - Not feeling too bad today, but my GP my change my current dosage or prescribed medication… Hope all is well with you.
Rob

Hi Rob. We’ve had problems in our community (Travellers! :crazy_face:) but hopefully all settled. :pray: The sun is shining, the wind is freezing and there’s snow flurries :grinning:, and I’ve been out in the garden pruning and digging up brambles. :+1: To tell the truth I’m quite happy at the moment. :grinning: :smiley: Take care my friend! :+1:
Roger

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We all get our highs and lows. If it’s any consolation, I’m going through a wee bit of a mini-dip at the moment but am hoping the weather holds up Tues/Wed so I can get out in the freedom machine for a wee while.
It’s good that you’re going back to the GP although, just a wee suggestion, have you ever considered counselling? It took me five years of intense work with a really amazing therapist but honestly, me now to me ten years ago, I’m a totally different person. It’s difficult and at times heartbreaking but without wishing to sound cliché, it gave me the tools to start coping with life on my own terms. Worth a thought?

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