Here’s the Ghost
Think I’ve cottoned on the spel poolise are on mi kase 
and ah dispensen sum stic, I’m knot du won how is ceepin jiant mouses and whye dus Mandy Andy call me stringbean instede ov shoestring 
. Now aboot he ghost thing tis reel and verie scarrriee indede 
.
I’ve read this back and can’t make much sense of my own post so good luck Liz & Andy
Does anyone know what won the 2:30 at newmarket and who the driver was
Now I’m going to have to moan about the northern way of speaking, have t’ read what they write twice to work it out
Why casnt spek prop er lik wot I dos
As for the 2:30…well…
Nah, gor blimey Guv, lova a panda duck an’ all that stuff. As for the 2:30 question, I would say it would have to be the well known Han Orthodontist…
Night night,
MAndy
What won the 2.30 at Newmarket?
An 'orse
This frivolity should cease forthwith.
Now the neighbours are complaining about my screaming, I did click on the link, now I feel ill
That was a quick way to take me back to complaining
It’'l tack more then that to mack me stop complainin, so stressed about my oil sender unit connection I have to let off steam, 
For the benifit of those down souff, Northerners are divided into several different areas, (Up here Liverpool, Manchester and Yorkshire are down souff), people from Newcastle are geordies although if you want a proper geordie accent go north to Ashington, people from Sunderland are mack & tacks cos they speak like southerners, I on the other hand speak with the same accent as our creator as I live in Gods own county. Now Liz the only person I’ve heard from Bristol was Bomber and he spoke like, "oh ar bomber doesn’t like that bomber doesn’t ". William Shakespeare was from Northumberland, I know cos he went to school with my dad 
Well, coming from south of the Thames, you’re all Norveners, wear cloth caps and clogs and do paintings with stick people in them…
Not only that, you take a disproprtionate amount of my hard-earned taxes in benefits (thought I’d better get back into gittish mode).
How about starting a “Rebuild Hadrian’s Wall” fund ?
It’s a wonder the powers that be haven’t thought about it as some part of a job creation scheme. When I was a lad they did something similar by putting hundreds of farmers out of their homes, making a load of temperary jobs by building dam and then flooding a lot of good prime farm land to make keilder lake for a water demand which never came about owing to the decline of industry on teeside and people think it’s just the present lot that are weird. Mind you I’ve got to say it’s a lovely place to drop the hood and go for a spin to and around in the 5. They should bring back birching and national service, although some of these youngsters these days may fall well short of the criteria for Britains armed forces which are still the best in the world (don’t know where that came from), have to go as my good wife says my imaginary friends on the computer are getting more attention than her!
Breaking news I may have an avatar soon as my daughter is charging her camera up. It’s dark outside by I’ll try and get a photo of my lovely car even if its just until a sunny day comes along and I can get a nice shiney photo of it, exciting eh!!
Just thought my mother in law was from Maidstone in Kent, and she didn’t like me much either well not at first but eventually she tollerated me 
She can’t be an Old Git though as tolerance isn’t an acceptable attribute in this club… she obviously started off well though, shame she failed. 
As far as I’m concerned the whole lot of you are northerners, cloth caps, whippets and a ferret down the trousers
Come off it Geoff - just because you live as far south as you can without growing flippers there’s no need to be rude about English folk from upt nort.
Even as an Essex boy I can think of many loveable things about our folk that talk funy - for example there’s… well…hold on a bit… sure it will come to me soon… there was something…
Friar, I must make a confession, I was exercising the right of every northerner to take the michael out of ourselves…note ourselves. Although I’m a proud citizen of the beautiful country of Australia I was born and bred in Manchester. Jeez this sounds like the last meeting I was at…G’day, my names Geoff and I’m an …
Come on you old gits, start being more gittish, you’re all a bunch of slackers
Geoff it must be the middle of the night down there, do you never sleep!, Monday morning it wasn’t as much cloth caps but igloos and huskies but I still had the roof down on my way to work
Any way I was watching a quiz the other night and a question came up - from which Aussie state are the residents called wait for it (this is actually true) “banana benders”, - now this has me quite perplexed surely where ever bananas are grown they are curved so why would anyone be employed bending them, baffling!!, then I thought Aussie wit, now with it being a question on tele I would not expect it to be anything nasty or naughty so I didn’t go down that avenue. Please tell me why as I really have no idea!!
Ah I’m definately not a northener then coz theres no whippets or ferrets here.
Just a Rotti & now a Panda I have to collect as I wasn’t here when they arrived due to the fact I was working. Why can’t they deliver when I’m here instead of leaving a note to say ‘it’s too big’.
Going to have to cook tea & feed animals before I go, a womans work is never done.
Aye that’s more like it a woman that knows her place and thats in the kitchen
, So you look and act like the woman off the chase and you have a “rotti”, take it thats one of then big heavy German dog things, Take it size is very important to you, Giant mice and now giant dog and a giant panda on the way. I’m wouldn’t be surprised if you had one of them Hummer things for the weekend. Now listen stop with the live stock and serve your man that has the man flu just imagine if you got a puncture and you hadn’t looked after him properly and he was still ill in bed how would you manage , On your theme of liking giant things he isn’t by any chance a lock forward in rugby union is he 