Bentley Continental GT's suspension adjustability
It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm .BMW Z3And if you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion, here’s your car.Buick LeSabreIt was rubbish when it was new, it was built by idiots, and it's rubbish now.Ferrari F430
Now we get quite a few complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show, so we're kicking off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all.Chevrolet Corvette ZO6
In many ways then this car is like herpes. Great fun catching it but not so much fun to live with every day.Nissan Almera
Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the Ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.Renault Espace
This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying 'Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'Porsche Cayenne
I've seen better looking gangrenous wounds than this
BMW X5 M
There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.
Renault Clio V6 handling bends
In typical French fashion, it just gives up! A bit like the French did with the Germans.Koenigsegg CCX
Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what…BEING STABBED?Suzuki Wagon R
You do not just avoid the Suzuki Wagon R. You avoid it like you would avoid unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.
Lotus Elise
This car is more fun than the entire French Air Force crashing into a firework factory.Toyota CamryWhenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.4 Seater Convertibles
The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.Arab Israeli ConflictThe only reason the Arabs and Jews have managed to keep their nasty little war going for 50 years is because it never bloody rains there. If the post-war powers had put Israel in Manchester, there'd have been no bloodshed.Racing Car ConversionsRacing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half-hour close-up of some bloke's sweaty face.Nuclear SubmarinesBritain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe ... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.Bus LanesI don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?